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This One Time
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The Cave by Christina Elizabeth (Funny) -
“Blessings! You must pay here!”

“Oh Hello! What did you say?”

“You must pay here to get in.”

“But... why?”

“To receive this special pilgrim's blessed, holy candle. Look at it. It’s beautiful! So lovely!”

“But I don't want a candle... I just want to go into the Holy Sepulcher and be in there by myself!”

“You need the candle to go in... there.”


“It's dark inside. It’s very dark. No lights. Buy the candle. It’s $ 5 dollars. Pay now. Then you go in.”

“I don't have all this money. I am a student, you know. I am visiting the Holy Sepulcher. I thought it was free to go in.”

“Nothing is free here. Besides, you are a tourist, aren’t you? Tourists pay for things… they love souvenirs. Here, this candle is a souvenir. So nice. Buy it. Go in. Pay $ 4 dollars.”

“Who are you?”

“I am responsible for the entrance to the Holy Sepulcher.”

“A Greek Orthodox Priest? This is a secular Christian church! It’s the oldest church within the walled Old City of Jerusalem!”

“Yes. We own the church. For years now. Pay $ 3 dollars, then. It’s the rule. Pay now and go in.”

“But, this place is for pilgrimage... to see Jesus' holy, blessed tomb... besides, there is a sign outside which reads Free Entrance – 5 minutes. I’ll stay less time, then. Oh I just want to go in the cave for a short while – be in the very same place where Jesus’ holy body was buried after his Crucifixion and death. I want to pray in the silence of the cave, maybe kneel down for a bit. OK? I came from so far. Miles away. I am only one – among so many that come to Him everyday. I just need 2 minutes… maybe 3. Come on!”

“Sorry. It’s the rule. The rule must apply to all who enter the cave. Pay $ 2 dollars then, but pay. It’s for the church. Pay. Other tourists want to get in. See, they have the money! They want the candle. They want to hold the candle and pray in there. See them?”

“Pay… to pray? Pay to reverence Jesus’ Holy Sepulcher? Really? It doesn’t make any sense at all. He wouldn’t have liked this if He were here, you know. I can’t believe this place! This church has been an important worship destination since at least the 4th century. These walls are sacred. It’s History. His story! Have you guys been doing this ever since?”

“Oh my God. Nothing is free in this world! You know better than that – especially there, I mean, in the cave! It’s holy! I’m sorry but you must pay something, anything.”

“Look, I only have $ 1 dollar to spare. Please, accept it. Let me go in, please. I need to go in!”

“Alright. The line must move. Give me the money. OK. Go in now. And remember, for this price, only 3 minutes – not 5! But, you get no candle! Candle is very expensive.”
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