Ensconced in bed reading his history textbook, Delphus McManus was startled when the phone rang.

As a rule, the Bishop was more in than out. Consequently the size, the airiness, and the aggressive modernity of the room made quite an impression on him. Deacon Sue realised this from the way he quietly looked around and nodded.

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‘Bloody hell!’ said Detective Constable Bright. ‘It’s a minefield!’ ‘There’s more …’ replied Detective Sergeant Dawes with a grimace.

Looking round he saw an old woman dragging a bucket across the floor and holding a mop. When she realised that his eyes were upon her, she said in a throaty voice, ‘Oh, don’t mind me, dear. You carry on.’

Most of our problems involve Grandma Grace, or rather her ashes. “It’s a public health violation,” Mom loves to snap at Dad. “We can’t have your dead mother on a shelf next to the food.

Bertie had heard of a place we could go, somewhere we could live in peace, safe from our winnings. I’m not sure it exists.

You could tell by the way she got off the helicopter that she wasn’t having any funny business. Perhaps she’d heard about the chap who’d been sent over to get their chakras realigned. He was effing and blinding by the time he left.

Aspiring writers are generally advised to ‘show’ not ‘tell’ and to minimise their use of adverbs. But where’s the fun in that?

Sadly Broke is never silent. As the moon steals behind the Bus Station, not all who populate the new town are asleep.

I needed to find out what was happening. I hobbled over to the bathroom blindly, using my sense of smell to guide me, and stared at the mirror. Though my vision was hazy, what reflected back at me was undeniable. I was a dog.

When Max was killed and buried and a shallow grave, he thought his troubles would be over. He was wrong. He’s just realized he’s a vampire, and he sucks at it.

Simon cried and cried, but the textbooks say you’ve got to let them.

It looked just like a parrot cage, only larger.

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