A Most Ambitious Experiment

Its Time Travel. Its supposed to be confusing... just enjoy the story and
dont worry about it too much.

Mind you I didnt find the story particularly original. These Time Travel stories have been done over and over. Also, lack of character development. "Roberts wife"? Does she have a name? That would be a good place to start. As far as building her personality that would need more work.

Some parts of the story are definetly working. And I do see the sense of humor shining through. For example, I like the part when he wraps the towel around her neck and says "Dont worry this is just an experiment." But overall I think it needs some work. I think the ending lacks credibility and the humoristic punch of other areas of the story.

it was an okayyy.. story, there is betters but i figured it wasnt that bad. I liked the ending because i think that robert got what he was asking for because alll he was asking about was money!money!money! He didnt even care about his wife anymore.. in the long rong.. it was ok....... read it and find out!!!

Use your imagination for the time machine.

It was a fun story. The writing was too tight for me- too proper. The author needs to loosen up his voice a little. "Show", dont "tell" and that includes within the dialogue too. People with real personalities are more interesting and rare. I like writing that uses the senses- there was none of that here. And the ending ended like they (the writer) was sleepy and wanted to finish writing for the night- way to rushed. Havent read too much sci-fi; I dont think time travel stories should be so forbidden. To me, they havent been overdone, because Ive barely read any.

It was a good story. I like stories with sensory description, sight, taste, touch, feel- there was none of that here. The characters lacked depth- I like to hear about who they are, where they come from, their personalities. The ending was too rushed, like the writer wanted to finish writing for the night. Show, dont tell, even in the dialogue. The writing was too tight, the author needs to loosen up his voice a little. I dont think time travel stories are overdone, but thats because I havent read very many. The story would only be confusing to someone with a lack of seing life past the norm- past somewhere beyond the edge of the world. The known universe.

This was an entertaining story until I got to the end, which just ruined the whole thing for me. "Say your prayers"???? That quote has been done so many times its lost all its novelty. Its not creative or unique or ironic enough to have a place in this story at all, and suddenly makes the story sound like it was written by a fifth grader.

You also repeat, "but it was too late" within the space of 4 lines. It sounds clumsy as if it wasnt proofread.

And the last line (or second to last line since the last line is technically "The End"): "Robert was immediately shot and fell backwards quite dead - a most miserable end to a most ambitious experiment. "

"Quite" dead? Why is that word necessary? I mean, how dead can dead possibly be? And for all that, you really could have just left it there because what follows is just hollow self-indulgent babble meant to serve the title of the story. "a most miserable end to a most ambitious experiment." Well, DUH! Im sure the main character didnt mean to be shot dead in the experiment.

I mean seriously, why not edit out all that crap at the end and just leave it clean and impactful?

And only one other complaint, I dont like the wifes character. Pretty much the whole story happens simply because she doesnt listen to her husband because shes so absorbed in making his dinner!!?? Puh-lease! I mean, she doesnt even have a name. Perhaps Im overthinking it, but it looks like your sexism is showing.

Um... I didnt really have as much of a problem with
it as the last guy who had commented. I forgave
the sexism because the man was at as much of, or
greater, a fault for tampering with time travel then
the woman was with the financial issues. It
balanced out. I really enjoyed the story all the way
through. I thought it was clever and it expressed
the confusion and continuous, reshaping of the
past due to time travel well. My only complaint is
that I wish it had ended with "May I see that dish
towel for a sec?" instead of the man getting shot. I
think the former ending leaves more open to
interpretation. When will this cycle end, how far is
the man really gonna go? It even ends it on a note
of dark humor, which I like. The last commenter
makes some valid points, but drives them way too
hard, makes it too personal, and (like many
comments on you tube) seems to use the
anonymity of the post to vent anger that cannot
possibly be caused solely by the short story. While
flawed, “A Most Ambitious Experiment” is one of
the more interesting stories I’ve read on this site.

brilliant. thank you for this fantastic read!

I guess I did get a little carried away with my last comment and I want to apologize for offending the writer. My complaints havent changed, though. He has a tendency to bomb the endings of what would otherwise be really great stories (in my opinion).

Of course, Im just one person, and this is just my opinion. But what I see through Mikes writing is a very talented writer, and a creative thinker who always seems to be right on the verge of being awesome, but then blows it at the last second--the story fizzles and dies. It leaves me frustrated and dissapointed when he would otherwise be one of my favorite writers on here.

Keep up the writing Mike. If you dont take my suggestions then there are evidently people who will still fully enjoy them as is, but I honestly just cant see how this story deserves 5 stars when it obviously needs work.

I really enjoyed the story.

you could improve on your ending...

The style of writing is rather bland, but I do like the
plot, very clever.

thats the worst story EVER

I like the ending. Obviously things dont always end like we would like them to in real life and that idiot of a husband didnt think about that possibility.

The story was good.Some of the story was hard to follow but very creative.The ending was the best part.

I thought this story was very interesting. The thing I did not like is how the husband was so concerned about the 401k and not about his wifes happiness. I did like the twist, however. When he killed his wife, he said "This is just an experiment." But that just goes to show you live life how it is and not worry about whats to come. One more thing is this story was very confusing. Something about he was going to kill his wife, make investments, then go back two years..... Overall, very good story.

It was a very scattered story. I never really understood it.

Although I really did like the tragic ending, but it could of had more detail.

It was really bad.

This was a very good story.I liked the part were he finally died because he shouldnt of killed his wife.It was his fault.

i totally dint get the story...........

Ahhh! That story was great... yet
HORRIBLE.

The worst part is that I understand exactly how he came to that conclusion, and how he killed him. Yikes.

Intense story! *****

Well, I really liked the story. Yes, the writing could have been a little cleaner, but the story entertained me. Just because a person writes well, doesnt mean they can tell a story. This author can tell a story. The writing style will improve with practice. I enjoy time travel stories, so I didnt find this difficult to follow at all. I would only change the last statement after the dash. Its author intrusion. Otherwise, great job!

WOw thats what u get for being a complete jerk, and so inconsiderate!

i loved it. too often time travel stories ingnore the
ramifications of the actual time-traveling persons
absence. very cool, i wish it was explored more!

very creative concept & interesting end

"A Most Ambitious Experiment" is very much worth reading.

For me, the plot is what makes the story, so I like how Mr. Krath doesnt spend too much time trying to "paint pictures," instead packing as much action into as few words as possible.

For a few moments in the last section of segment 2, though, I was bit confused. I think adding more explanation (e.g. including some of Roberts thoughts, etc.) at this point might make this easier to understand for the reader...but then again, it was fun for me to figure out what was happening.

Either way, I enjoyed reading. Thanks for writing, Mr. Krath.

Even though he was shot, killing his wife and disappearing for 20 years would mean that all their stuff would be sold/willed to people, so he would have nothing anyway!
A little bit of thought would show that by the end of the story the main charactor is clearly not thinking, but overall i thought the reasoning was very well though out. Just that little bit that bothers me. Well done! :)

I think there is a nice little story here just trying to burst out. It needs a little bit of work. That said, I do like the pace and the style of writing - not too wordy when it comes to conversations. Bad dialogue has a tendency to detract from a good-paced story. All I would say is that some of the dialogue maybe needs a little more reaism: at times it all seemed a bit stilted and unnatural. I liked the story. Keep at it - you do have talent.

delightfull :)

Ummm... Why wait twenty years when he
could go to the past and give himself
future information for investments. He
would already have the money when he
returned to the present that way.

20 years here = 5 minutes there! ok!

Amusing :-)

its a story that i couldnt understand it
well,and its not that nice!!!!

Hah! What a great story. The perils of time travel, and experimentation. Loved this!

nice story

That was a cautionary warning against
marriage.

A man is likely to save his assets for a rainy
day. A women is likely to spend like its water,
every last drop.

Their were no expectations on her to be
prudent or listen to a word her husband was
saying, because society will not leave a poor
woman to destitution, but a poor man? well,
just take a glance at the homeless figures to
learn what society realy thinks of men who fall
on hard times.

This is hilariousl

that was awesome!!!!!!!! love it!

That is quite funny. Enjoyed it. *That was a cautionary warning against
greed.* And the moral is: Husbands, LOVE your women! 3 out of 5 Budweisers.

A very enjoyable read. I was looking for a good sci-fi short story, and ended up getting comedy and steampunk irony as well. Thank you.

There was horrible! 20 years and the woman say nothing????!!! oh come on!! and this is imposible, because how the man doesn´t notice that her wife was 20 years old more than 5 minutes later!

Well that escalated quickly!

This was a bit short, but, you know, it was pretty funny. I like it!

That was brilliant !