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This One Time
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Beans by Stern John (Sad) -
I was in the kitchen with my platonic friend. She had her boyfriend over and I was able to judge him for the first time. He was alright. Being Shrove Tuesday, the two of them were cooking pancakes as an opportunity to showcase their relationship. I was busy with a pot of baked beans on an adjacent hob, stirring it while making self-deprecating patter with the boyfriend. This way, I was able to acknowledge my limited sexual threat, as well as the inadequacies of my intended meal. As we became more comfortable with each other, the boyfriend asked if I wanted to flip the next pancake. I agreed, took the handle and flipped it high, with conviction. Surprised by this, and obviously disappointed that I hadn’t messed up in some way, I was asked to flip it again. So I did. This time, I mistimed my lunge for the pan and inadvertently grabbed the hot steel. The searing pain caused me to jerk forward, enabling the pancake to flip directly into my pot of beans. The subsequent blister was large and ungainly, and I couldn’t work the cutlery without wincing.
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