THE SHNEEDLEVERT

Part 1 – In which our hero suffers an unfortunate happenstance and decides to do something about it.

The Shneedlevert was not amused

When pirates painted blue had choosed

To swap his feet while fast asleep

His nose exchanged for snout of sheep

His chitty chatter switched as well

His shoes it seemed had been onselled

His neck now rather elongated

Left him discombobulated.

His slender arms the both, the two,

Had been replaced by sticks, bamboo,

And to his shock his pointy ears

Were swapped for curly lobe shape beards

So pacing he on foreign feets

Cried salty tears and baa’d loud bleats

Then standing boldly on his chair

Dressed in sparkly underwear.

He boldly opened up the door

The Shneedlevert would cower no more!

He’d search through morning night and noon

Armed with trusty wooden spoon.

Until he found his nose, his feet

He wouldn’t rest, he couldn’t sleep.

He’d find the swine that stole his parts

And bake the fiends in Cornish tarts!

Part 2 – in which we meet our nemesis.

Now pirates of the thieving kind

Exist in many different size

Some short and stout, some long and thin

But all with hairy pimply chin

Feathered bird astride their shoulder

Hundred years or maybe older

Some have 5 eyes, some have six

cacophony of mismatched bits

Fins and whiskers, beaks and wings

Tail of lion, toes of kings

But parts that pirates most preferred

Are the parts of Shneedlevert

The pirate king with glare so mean

Left a note on village green

To Sheedlvert while you may chase

It seems a rather hopeless case

We’ll run to here we’ll bound to there

Over mountains, through the air,

But should you catch us, come too close

We’ll feed your parts to antelopes

Part 3 – A journey begins.

So into wild adventure flew

Our hero chasing creatures blue

And for a vehicle he did rode

One foot on seahorse one on toad

For half a dozen months or more

He dared not rest, He snored no snore

For if to catch his tricksy foes

There be no time to rest his toes.

With weary bones and aching thighs

He’d naught to eat but dynamite

And fluff from belly button grows

And milkshakes made from juice of toes

His journey hard his travel long

He almost quit but then the song

Of pirates Carried on the breeze

He steeled his face, he quicked his speed

Over hill and round the corner

Under stream of bubbling water

He came upon the pirates cave

And stepped inside, his parts to save

Part 4 – into the cave and a fearsome standoff!

The pirate stench kerflunked his nose

His brain began to decompose

But staggering forth into the gloom

He swayed, he rocked, he swooned great swoon.

Around a bend in tunnel deep

He came upon the pirates keep

And standing there in crocheted shorts

The pirate king, his muscles taught

Affixed the Vert with steely gaze

His tail glowed with purple blaze

Said he “I’d rather eat your farts,

Then Shneedlevert, give back your parts.”

None dared move, they barely breathed

The snheedelvert rolled up his sleeves

As eye to eye with fearsome frowns

Each creature stared the other down

The Shneedlevert his spoon in hand

The pirate armed with rusty can.

The stage was set the battle sure

For stolen feet and swindled claw

Part 5 – The battle!

The pirate king was first to twitch

Then sneedlevert his whiskers flicked

The two went flying through the air

And caught them both the other’s hair

The pirates sounded fearsome roar

As king and Vert rolled ‘bout the floor

A cloud of dust cocooned the space

And yoghurt splashed across their face

They brandished carrots, wielded cheese

Their feet fell off and then their knees!

Chairs were thrown, a broken kite

A tickle war a tacco fight!

Then staring both, the weary pair

Ran tired hands through tired hair

The Shneedlevert slid to the ground

And Pirate shrank to melted mound.

They frozen lay upon the floor,

The room was shaken to the core.

The pirates watched with hearts a-flutter

And dined on scones and peanut butter.

Then silently, without a sound

The Shneedlevert flew from the ground

He clasped a feather then a dozen

to tickle pirate’s belly button.

The Pirate rolled, the pirate lurched

The pirate let out garrish burp

And cried, “No no, I beg you please,

If you’re to stop, I’ll guarantee

I’ll give it back, from knees to toes

Your 16 ears, a dozen nose

Your clappy hands and nostrils two

Your hair, your beard your sweaty shoe.”

So bits and bobs and parts exchanged,

And Shneedlevert once more became,

More like he and more like him,

And rather less like pirate King.

Part 6 – Safe at last!

The pirate blue with shriveled pride,

A tear fell slowly from his eyes

And to the victor did award

Surrender of his pirate sword

The Shneedlevert with sword in claw

Swished it once and then some more.

And in a flourish, half a sec,

Rested blade ‘gainst pirate’s neck!

But pirate flashed a thoothless grin

And stroked, himself his pimply chin

Then from beneath his flowing locks

Withdrew a dozen chocolate blocks.

Shneedle’s eyes grew saucer wide

He let his sword droop to his side.

And Shneedlevert and pirate beast

Indulged them both in chocolate feast.

Then rising fast our hero rose,

Foot on seahorse, foot on toad,

And lifted off, no more to roam,

Our Shneedlevert was headed home.

So should you wake with missing beard,

Your belly stolled, your ear hair sheared

You’ll sort it best with choc fondue

and walk a mile in pirate shoe