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Hermann the Irascible

It was in the second decade of the Twentieth Century, after the Great Plague had devastated England, that Hermann the Irascible, nicknamed also the Wise, sat on the British throne. The Mortal Sickness had swept away the entire Royal Family, unto the third and fourth generations, and thus it came to pass that Hermann the Fourteenth of Saxe-Drachsen-Wachtelstein, who had stood thirtieth in the order of succession, found himself one day ruler of the British dominions within and beyond the seas. He was one of the unexpected things that happen in politics, and he happened with great thoroughness. In many ways he was the most progressive monarch who had sat on an important throne; before people knew where they were, they were somewhere else. Even his Ministers, progressive though they were by tradition, found it difficult to keep pace with his legislative suggestions.

"As a matter of fact," admitted the Prime Minister, "we are hampered by these votes-for-women creatures; they disturb our meetings throughout the country, and they try to turn Downing Street into a sort of political picnic-ground."

"They must be dealt with" said Hermann.

"Dealt with," said the Prime Minister; "exactly, just so; but how?"

"I will draft you a Bill," said the King, sitting down at his type-writing machine, "enacting that women shall vote at all future elections. Shall vote, you observe; or, to put it plainer, must. Voting will remain optional, as before, for male electors; but every woman between the ages of twenty-one and seventy will be obliged to vote, not only at elections for Parliament, county councils, district boards, parish-councils, and municipalities, but for coroners, school inspectors, churchwardens, curators of museums, sanitary authorities, police-court interpreters, swimming-bath instructors, contractors, choir-masters, market superintendents, art-school teachers, cathedral vergers, and other local functionaries whose names I will add as they occur to me. All these offices will become elective, and failure to vote at any election falling within her area of residence will involve the female elector in a penalty of 10 pounds. Absence, unsupported by an adequate medical certificate, will not be accepted as an excuse. Pass this Bill through the two Houses of Parliament and bring it to me for signature the day after tomorrow."

From the very outset the Compulsory Female Franchise produced little or no elation even in circles which had been loudest in demanding the vote. The bulk of the women of the country had been indifferent or hostile to the franchise agitation, and the most fanatical Suffragettes began to wonder what they had found so attractive in the prospect of putting ballot-papers into a box. In the country districts the task of carrying out the provisions of the new Act was irksome enough; in the towns and cities it became an incubus. There seemed no end to the elections. Laundresses and seamstresses had to hurry away from their work to vote, often for a candidate whose name they hadn't heard before, and whom they selected at haphazard; female clerks and waitresses got up extra early to get their voting done before starting off to their places of business. Society women found their arrangements impeded and upset by the continual necessity for attending the polling stations, and week-end parties and summer holidays became gradually a masculine luxury. As for Cairo and the Riviera, they were possible only for genuine invalids or people of enormous wealth, for the accumulation of 10 pound fines during a prolonged absence was a contingency that even ordinarily wealthy folk could hardly afford to risk.

It was not wonderful that the female disfranchisement agitation became a formidable movement. The No-Votes-for-Women League numbered its feminine adherents by the million; its colours, citron and old Dutch-madder, were flaunted everywhere, and its battle hymn, "We Don't Want to Vote," became a popular refrain. As the Government showed no signs of being impressed by peaceful persuasion, more violent methods came into vogue. Meetings were disturbed, Ministers were mobbed, policemen were bitten, and ordinary prison fare rejected, and on the eve of the anniversary of Trafalgar women bound themselves in tiers up the entire length of the Nelson column so that its customary floral decoration had to be abandoned. Still the Government obstinately adhered to its conviction that women ought to have the vote.

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Then, as a last resort, some woman wit hit upon an expedient which it was strange that no one had thought of before. The Great Weep was organized. Relays of women, ten thousand at a time, wept continuously in the public places of the Metropolis. They wept in railway stations, in tubes and omnibuses, in the National Gallery, at the Army and Navy Stores, in St. James's Park, at ballad concerts, at Prince's and in the Burlington Arcade. The hitherto unbroken success of the brilliant farcical comedy "Henry's Rabbit" was imperilled by the presence of drearily weeping women in stalls and circle and gallery, and one of the brightest divorce cases that had been tried for many years was robbed of much of its sparkle by the lachrymose behaviour of a section of the audience.

"What are we to do?" asked the Prime Minister, whose cook had wept into all the breakfast dishes and whose nursemaid had gone out, crying quietly and miserably, to take the children for a walk in the Park.

"There is a time for everything," said the King; "there is a time to yield. Pass a measure through the two Houses depriving women of the right to vote, and bring it to me for the Royal assent the day after tomorrow."

As the Minister withdrew, Hermann the Irascible, who was also nicknamed the Wise, gave a profound chuckle.

"There are more ways of killing a cat than by choking it with cream," he quoted, "but I'm not sure," he added "that it's not the best way."

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Comments

Submitted by admin on Sat, 10/08/2005 - 15:02

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This story is actually quite hilarious. It shows how what one man thinks is a smart way to solve a problem might really cause more problems for society. Some peoples’ opinion that this story says that women would not want to vote if they knew what voting entailed has no baring at all in this story. In truth, this story shows how women wouldn’t want to be forced to do anything. They didn’t like being forced not to vote and then they didn’t want to be forced to vote. This is actually, in my opinion, a very funny story. It gives a humorous twist to politics and makes the ‘wise’ king seem like an over zealous fool. I liked how the women were able to solve their voting problem by crying.

Submitted by admin on Thu, 12/15/2005 - 14:26

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i think the story is awesome, it is truly good writing but is totally messed up towards women by the way i am a woman and i agree that women are bitchy but why dont you just tell them to fuck off and shutup instead of complaining seriously. a very sexist story that i guess only targets the male audience i am sexist towards both men and women lol they both piss me off but in this story whos the one bitching to begin with ... men so men you deal with the bitchy women by telling them to fuck off or shutup and stop putting women down for the stupidest reasons why not jsut say women are dumb thats fine i agree that most women are dumb lol but wait so are men and isnt it true that men can only do and think about one thing at a time

Submitted by admin on Mon, 12/26/2005 - 04:39

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This story sucks. First of all, if women are supposed to vote, and vote in EVERYTHING, they should be able to realize that they have the power to make voting optional. If they were protesting anyway, why would the protest to take the vote away instead of making it optional. Secondly, it plays into stereotypes of women - when nothing works we just give up and cry dont we.

Submitted by admin on Sat, 01/14/2006 - 16:32

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In trying to make the point that by forcing people to do something we find troublesome, theyll stop doing it, the author take an extreme solution, like many anecdotes. The problem is that extreme solutions rarely work as they dont represent reality. Chris , Ireland.

Submitted by admin on Thu, 03/16/2006 - 19:51

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Does nobody see the genius in the fact that the women got what they wanted both times. They wanted to be able to vote and it was allowed. They then found the kings unreasonable system too much and wanted the decision reversed and so the cried until it was done. The king may have thought he had won when in fact the women did. Do you really think they were crying because they were sad. Come on people - dont take it all too seriously! This story is in favour of women all the way!! I think this idea was excellent I know that I myself, as many other women have, have cried a little to help me to get what I want. Maybe not the best way to do things but hey, it works!

Submitted by admin on Fri, 01/05/2007 - 15:05

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Reading back through some of the comments this story certainly provoked strong reactions both positive and negative. In the end thats all that counts. After all "the one thing worse than being talked about is...!"

Submitted by admin on Tue, 10/09/2007 - 22:30

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Saki was a very talented writer, but the more I read of him, the more I notice that he has this recurring theme that revolves around a sexist and skewed portrayal of women. Sure, this story is meant to be funny, but what was Saki implying?

I dont find this story funny, just sad. I see it as a snapshot of a time in history--a time when women were always "in their place" and were respected about as much as a child. A time when men held all the cards and women were expected to be pretty, delicate and obedient.

This story is as offensive as if it were about slavery instead of suffrage.

Sorry, but some things just arent funny. Women fought hard for suffrage. Its really a shame Saki couldnt respect that, and even more so that he didnt live to see women gain the right to vote.

Im glad I live today than any other point in time. Some of you are sexist enough as it is (all sexes included).

Thumbs up for style of writing, thumbs down for concept.

Submitted by admin on Wed, 10/17/2007 - 18:52

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Saki was a sexist man. This story was the first to underline that character trait as the rest were more subtle. I guess this story isnt funny to me because its a slap in the face to all the people who pushed for equal rights. Or maybe its because women have been the lesser sex for centuries, and even today men and women dont really have completely equal rights.

Perhaps the story in itself is another way of trying to oppress a large group of people. Its a story that makes fun of women and their struggle for equal rights, and then if we dont think its funny were "uptight" or have no sense of humour. And god forbid we open our mouths and say something about it... because then were just bitching and complaining.

I really wish some people would stop procreating.

Submitted by admin on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 12:04

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Why do people take this so seriously? Its a story, and even more, its supposed to be a joke. It was in different times, and a story must not represent the views of the author.

I thought it was okay, kinda funny and kinda thought provoking.

And even if the author actually hates women, who cares, its not about the author, its about the story.

Submitted by admin on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 14:05

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i liked it.

Submitted by admin on Tue, 01/31/2012 - 21:00

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I like the silliness of this story. I see that some argue the sexism is innapropriate, for me it was more a tale of being aware of the devious nature of those in power and being specific with rightful demands.
-Anna Daffodil

Submitted by admin on Sat, 01/18/2014 - 07:42

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Its not funny, Im a man and I feel no sadness, but I see similar vision through Sakis text as below:

"I see it as a snapshot of a time in history ..."
"This story is as offensive as if it were about slavery instead of suffrage."

Submitted by admin on Tue, 07/14/2015 - 09:01

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Saki AKA Hector Hugh Monroe was born in 1870. He was an excellent
Writer and satirist. This is an amusing story although, far from
his best work. People lighten up for Petes sake! Cant we just enjoy
Fiction for what it is without getting all weird about it!

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