David's Haircut
When David steps out of the front door he is blinded for a moment by the white, fizzing sunlight and reaches instinctively for his dad's hand.
It's the first really warm day of the year, an unexpected heat that bridges the cusp between spring and summer. Father and son are on their way to the barbershop, something they have always done together.
Always, the routine is the same. "It's about time we got that mop of yours cut," David's dad will say, pointing at him with two fingers, a cigarette wedged between them. "Perhaps I should do it. Where are those shears Janet?"
Sometimes his dad chases him round the living room, pretending to cut off his ears. When he was young David used to get too excited and start crying, scared that maybe he really would lose his ears, but he has long since grown out of that.
Mr Samuels' barbershop is in a long room above the chip shop, reached by a steep flight of stairs. There is a groove worn in each step by the men who climb and descend in a regular stream. David follows his father, annoyed that he cannot make each step creak like his old man can.
David loves the barbershop - it's like nowhere else he goes. It smells of cigarettes and men and hair oil. Sometimes the smell of chips will climb the stairs along with a customer and when the door opens the waiting men lift their noses together.
Black and white photographs of men with various out-of-fashion hairstyles hang above a picture rail at the end of the room, where two barber's chairs are bolted to the floor. They are heavy, old-fashioned chairs with foot pumps that hiss and chatter as Mr Samuels, the rolls of his plump neck squashing slightly, adjusts the height of the seat.
In front of the chairs are deep sinks with a showerhead and long metal hose attached to the taps, not that anyone seems to use them. Behind the sinks are mirrors and on either side of these, shelves overflowing with an mixture of plastic combs (some plunged into a glass bowl containing a blue liquid), shaving mugs, scissors, cut throat razors, hair brushes and, stacked neatly in a pyramid, 10 bright red tubs of Brylcreem.
At the back of the room sit the customers, silent for most of the time, except when Mr Samuels breaks off from cutting and takes a drag on his cigarette, sending a wisp of grey-blue smoke like the tail of kite twisting into the air.
When it is David's turn for a cut, Mr Samuels places a wooden board covered with a piece of oxblood red leather across the arms of the chair, so that the barber doesn't have to stoop to cut the boy's hair. David scrambles up onto the bench.
"The rate you're shooting up, you won't need this soon, you'll be sat in the chair," the barber says.
"Wow," says David, squirming round to look at his dad, forgetting that he can see him through the mirror. "Dad, Mr Samuels said I could be sitting in the chair soon, not just on the board!"
"So I hear," his father replies, not looking up from the paper. "I expect Mr Samuels will start charging me more for your hair then."
"At least double the price," said Mr Samuels, winking at David.
Finally David's dad looks up from his newspaper and glances into the mirror, seeing his son looking back at him. He smiles.
"Wasn't so long ago when I had to lift you onto that board because you couldn't climb up there yourself," he says.
"They don't stay young for long do they, kids," Mr Samuels declares. All the men in the shop nod in agreement. David nods too.
In the mirror he sees a little head sticking out of a long nylon cape that Mr Samuels has swirled around him and folded into his collar with a wedge of cotton wool. Occasionally he steals glances at the barber as he works. He smells a mixture of stale sweat and aftershave as the barber's moves around him, combing and snipping, combing and snipping.
David feels like he is in another world, noiseless except for the scuffing of the barber's shoes on the lino and the snap of his scissors. In the reflection from the window he could see through the window, a few small clouds moved slowly through the frame, moving to the sound of the scissors' click.
Sleepily, his eyes dropping to the front of the cape where his hair falls with the same softness as snow and he imagines sitting in the chair just like the men and older boys, the special bench left leaning against the wall in the corner.
He thinks about the picture book of bible stories his aunt gave him for Christmas, the one of Samson having his hair cut by Delilah. David wonders if his strength will go like Samson's.
When Mr Samuels has finished, David hops down from the seat, rubbing the itchy hair from his face. Looking down he sees his own thick, blonde hair scattered among the browns, greys and blacks of the men who have sat in the chair before him. For a moment he wants to reach down and gather up the broken blonde locks, to separate them from the others, but he does not have time.
The sun is still strong when they reach the pavement outside the shop, but it is less fiery now, already beginning to drop from its zenith.
"I tell you what, lad, let's get some fish and chips to take home, save your mum from cooking tea," says David's dad and turns up the street.
The youngster is excited and grabs his dad's hand. The thick-skinned fingers close gently around his and David is surprised to find, warming in his father's palm, a lock of his own hair.
Comments
Dear Ken, I am a high school English teacher in the U.S...
Dear Ken, I am a high school English teacher in the U.S. and my ninth grade students loved your story. I used it as an example of stream of consciousness writing where a characters thoughts create a realistic form. Thank you.
you didnt have me at all until the last sentance, Ken. i..
you didnt have me at all until the last sentance, Ken. i thought it was just another pointless load of waffle (which i have read plenty of on this site), but the ending makes it a story rather than just a description. i liked it. it left me in poignant mood.
I too thought it a descriptive piece more than a story, but..
I too thought it a descriptive piece more than a story, but at least a lot of the description was nice/evocative. Sometimes this sort of vignette can work - the last line was excellent.
such fantastic description... very good work!
such fantastic description... very good work!
Thanks for the comments so far, keep them coming - Ken Elkes
Thanks for the comments so far, keep them coming - Ken Elkes
Although perhaps lacking in a strong plot and strong..
Although perhaps lacking in a strong plot and strong characterisation, I liked this story, it was very lyrical in parts. Its quite a neat way of talking about the transitions made as kids grow up. The symbolic nature of the bench across the seat which David no longer needs, his own fears of growing up when he wants to separate his hair from the mens and his fathers realisation that his son will not always be the kid he takes to the barber, all neatly done. Good.
I liked the ending very much. Kept waiting for the dad to..
I liked the ending very much. Kept waiting for the dad to find reason to chase his son with bloody clippers. You made it classy. (Nco)
Elegantly and economically written, with a real old..
Elegantly and economically written, with a real old fashioned heart warmer of a pay-off line at the end. Well done Ken, you brightened my day.
A tear came to my eye, my friend. You enscapulated..
A tear came to my eye, my friend. You enscapulated everything that I would love to say about my Father but never could. I know now Im not the only one who has such a important memory. Ill tel my Dad the next time I see him. You made me realise how special this relationship can be. I thank you. Please keep writing. Regards, Darren.
Elegant, sharp and smart, and yet apparently frivolous...
Elegant, sharp and smart, and yet apparently frivolous. Arent these the points that make a good writer? I am amazed at this page, really. Poli.
I thought this story was very cute and very interesting to..
I thought this story was very cute and very interesting to read, altough it is short, but thats ok, its not always size that matters. The other people where right, you did GREAT with the last sentance, hope to see more stories from you Ken!
Once again, thanks to everyone who has taken the time and..
Once again, thanks to everyone who has taken the time and effort to leave a comment - your feedback helps and I am grateful for it. Ken Elkes
I think this story has the right amount of descriptive..
I think this story has the right amount of descriptive detail about the setting. The description of the barber shop helps me smell the aroma and feel the mood, and the last sentence really caps it off. Daniel
The last part really saved it from being dreadful. However,..
The last part really saved it from being dreadful. However, I still found the metaphors and imagery forced.
Cute story, father and son relationship was really cool.
Cute story, father and son relationship was really cool.
Unfortunately, I popped through the story pretty quickly..
Unfortunately, I popped through the story pretty quickly and didnt think much of it until the last line. You might not hold your audience that long next time though. Wonderful ending, just wish there was more lead up before the ending.
Excellent story, very descriptive and flowing. Great..
Excellent story, very descriptive and flowing. Great example of how a story can enchant the reader. Without the use of a lexicon of needless words to describe common events and objects. To many stories ive read on here sound like they were written with one hand on the keyboard and the other a thesaurus.
I agree with most of the above comments: As I read the..
I agree with most of the above comments: As I read the piece, I wondered how you were going to make it into more than just a scene sketch. With the deft economy of a single line (the last one), you did just that. Nicely executed! Give us more. Kirsten
This story was O.K. First of all, what is the conflict or..
This story was O.K. First of all, what is the conflict or the resolution? I am truly suprised there are any readers for this story because it happens to be quite boring. There is no action in this story.
No conflict or resolution? Maybe. Does every story have to..
No conflict or resolution? Maybe. Does every story have to have that? I think not. I think its wonderful just to be drawn into a small lapse of time and see the love between a father and son.
I enjoyed the story very much but couldnt figure out if it..
I enjoyed the story very much but couldnt figure out if it was an American story or an English one. Most of the time I thought it was American but then the "living over a chip shop" and buying fish and chips pointed towards England! I always understood English chips were American French Fries??
Beautifully descriptive: The board covered in red leather,..
Beautifully descriptive: The board covered in red leather, wanting to seperate his hair from the others, etc... The last line made my heart drop, and I read it over and over again. B.L. Williams, New Orleans, LA
Great story, start to finish. Comments posted above about..
Great story, start to finish. Comments posted above about "no plot, no action" etc. make me wonder about the level of readership on this site.
Grammatical errors are distracting, where are the editors? ..
Grammatical errors are distracting, where are the editors? Too fluffy for a final draft, you could definitely trim it down. Lastly, I got to the end thinking, "Thats it?" I didnt really feel like there was much of a point, i.e. lack of conflict. But you have strengths and weaknesses in your style, keep writing and Im sure you will develop into a comparable force. Keep at it and good luck.
As the last sentence sinks in my day just got a whole lot..
As the last sentence sinks in my day just got a whole lot brighter. Wonderful! Ill go read it again now... Sam from Norway
Although being female, this story renewed old memories of..
Although being female, this story renewed old memories of my father and brothers visiting that strange shop - the Barbers! It was an exact description of that place us women never went but had glimpsed through the windows. Nice ending too, its good to see some love portrayed between father and son.
A great piece of writing. I enjoyed the details of the..
A great piece of writing. I enjoyed the details of the barber shop. Thanks for writing it. I used it for my English final. -Jeff from VA
This story is very warm.
This story is very warm.
what a warm ending !! haha~~ with many description with..
what a warm ending !! haha~~ with many description with the 5 sences!!
ok story...but bit boring...
ok story...but bit boring...
I enjoyed this story very much, heart warming and reminded..
I enjoyed this story very much, heart warming and reminded me of days with my own dad, thanks for a wonderful, heart felt story that brightened up my day. Best wishes, from claire in scotland xx
This story is a great descriptive story...but thats..
This story is a great descriptive story...but thats basically all that it is. A boy gets his haircut, and his dad reflects somewhat on how his little boy is getting older. Where is the conflict? Where is the problem that needs a resolution? In that sense this is a weak piece of literature.
My son is looking at examples of interesting and creative..
My son is looking at examples of interesting and creative writing for his exam tomorrow. Late I know. This story shows me how a few written words can pluck the heart strings. The story encompasses smell,touch and sound. The creaking stairs,smell of hair oil,hair falling as softness of snow. I read too little, and this story entices me and evokes a passion that only the ingredients of a truly wonderful story mixed with warm memories can conjure. Well done Ken, you brought a ray of sunshine to my evening
It was very descriptive but nothing really happened. It..
It was very descriptive but nothing really happened. It really brought me in to the story and I thought somthing exciting would happen but needless to say nothing did. However I am only 14 so older readers might have apprieciated it more than I did.
I used the story as a sight passage with my grade 10..
I used the story as a sight passage with my grade 10 students. They loved it. It is so simply yet beautifully crafted, that many students kept referring to it as a poem! Keep on writing, Ken. Maureen, Canada
I thought this vignette was excellent. However, unlike..
I thought this vignette was excellent. However, unlike almost all the other readers I didnt like the last line. I think the father and son holding hands was perfect, the lock of hair, too far. But that is just a very small criticism of what is beautifully crafted vignette.
Cosy, warm and very atmospheric. Perhaps a longer story..
Cosy, warm and very atmospheric. Perhaps a longer story next time? Kirsty.UK.
Conflict and resolution needed? I disagree strongly, too..
Conflict and resolution needed? I disagree strongly, too many stories use this obvious method and it can be very boring. The whole point to me, is it is a story about an every day event and the last line would not have impact without this, its the extraordinary in the ordinary for me.
Nice work Ken, with some nice images Rob
Nice work Ken, with some nice images Rob
Father and son both trying to hold on to those barbershop..
Father and son both trying to hold on to those barbershop days... well done. The ending is very effective but i have to say that my favorite sentence is this one: "They dont stay young for long do they, kids," Mr Samuels declares. All the men in the shop nod in agreement. David nods too. That part just gave me smiles all over.
well wrote story, the ending was a good way to end this..
well wrote story, the ending was a good way to end this story, but the story could have had more depth, a little more imagination to it, but all in all, a good story well wrote and worth the read...
This story was absolutely priceless. I thought it was so..
This story was absolutely priceless. I thought it was so good that I noted you for a school assignment! Thanx for a great story!
wonderful~ its so touching,it make me think of me and my..
wonderful~ its so touching,it make me think of me and my father~
I liked it very much. It is not too often that you hear..
I liked it very much. It is not too often that you hear about Dads hanging out with there little boys. It kind of reminds me of my dad when I use to get haircuts. It is a wonderful depiction of a young boys sense of adventure about something as simple as going to the barber shop and getting a haircut. I enjoyed the story and it gave me a good feeling inside.
At first I didnt really get into the story, it was just..
At first I didnt really get into the story, it was just describing what was going on with the little boy, although the descriptions were very good, I still didnt get into it until the end. It was a very good ending, and it really made me think about how the bond between a father and a son can be so strong. It was a cute little story and I think you should keep them coming.
Davids Haircut This story was very cute to me because, it..
Davids Haircut This story was very cute to me because, it reminds me a lot of both of my older brothers and my dad taking them to the barbershop, and my mom taking me to the beauty shop. It just makes you think about the past and the good times you have. I thought the story was all around wonderful. This story is one that you can share with your kids to explain the past to them.
Davids Haircut The short story Davids Haircut was a cool..
Davids Haircut The short story Davids Haircut was a cool nice story to read and I enjoyed. It had very well written descriptions throughout the story and made me vision the whole story like if I was there with them. The story was about a father and son relations and something that they always do together. It had a nice calm mood to it and had a good ending to it especially the last sentence really cap it off well.
In my opinion this story was well written. Unlike most..
In my opinion this story was well written. Unlike most readers believe, conflict is present in the story. David is having inner-conflict because he wants to grow up but at the same time he wans to hang on to his childhood. The father is also having inner-conflict because he thinks that his son is growing up too fast. By analyzing the story many secrets can be revealed Great work Mr.Elkes.
This short-story uniquely portrays the little things in..
This short-story uniquely portrays the little things in life that make transitioning into an adult so special. One cannot help but pleasantly admire the relationship between the young boy and his father. However, like other readers, I do think the story plot and characterization was somewhat weak. The descriptions of the barbershop were much too lengthy and superfluous. I also found the plot to be somewhat mundane and lacking in substance. However the story line has potential and the last line was certainly what rocketed the entire story. Keep writing.
Hey Ken, i really enjoyed the story. as a 16 year old kid..
Hey Ken, i really enjoyed the story. as a 16 year old kid i can still appreciate the meaning intensely. and who ever said a story had to have a conflict to have meaning??? and besides, David is having his own little conflict - growing up. and it is quite the conflict. - chris from canada
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