Hobnail

Well-constructed but the end left me unsatisfied. A bit of editing and cutting out of unecessary details will make the pace move faster. There are a mite too many people in the first paragraph - had to read it twice to get who was who - and not all of them add to the story finally.

i think the story is a bit too unrealistic, although it is a fictional storry! in my opinion the end is not verry good!!

I LIKE THE STORY HOBNAIL. I AM A HUGE FAN OF HORROR FILMS. SO WHOEVER WROTE THIS STORY WAS THINKING ABOUT ME!!!

it is only the story whitch make me red with happness

Not a bad story, but I wish there had been more tension and fewer characters. I like happy endings, but after a lot of scares! :)

"I loved the story, and the end is just the style i like: surprising!"

The story gained suspense as it went on, but the ending needed more. Ellen just blurted out to her husband that a headless man was behind them. It seemed like that was an everyday thing. More details were given about the aunt and the dog and whoever else then the headless man - the whole point to the story.

It was good and it made me of what it was. I also like the sounds of the shoes and the trees. I think that you could have made the ending abit better.

i liked this story. i thought it was a bit scary.i liked the way the author described the way of the sound the best thing about this story was the ending of the story

I thought you use sound effectively .And the way you builded it up slowly was a wonderful.i think you could do a follow up .

I thought that the story was absolutly brilliiant! I liked the way you used different words on what saught of sounds there were. But the only problemis, is thatiwant to know whot happend next!

I liked the ending part of the this story. It was interesting the way you you made setences scary.I think there was know improvment needed as i thought your story was fantastic.

the main chilling was at the end but i thought the person/thing could be from a folk tale this was the best short story i had read the idea of the mother hearing the foot steps but not saying anything about the noise the way the auther used noise instead of what it looks like was very very very very very very very very very very good. and the way the auther builds up the suspence by starting of realily happy and good and then it becomes reaily weird. its worth 999 stars one of the best Ive read. a lovely cliff hanger, not nowing what will happen next, if she gets caught or killed and will the auther do a follow story

I admit that the piece was descriptive. However, the first page was confusing, what with all of the different characters. I like the way the hobnail guy was introduced and presented, but I dont think Ill read this story again. It wasnt the least bit scary, and the ending was lame. It started out ok, then just dropped completely. Big let-down.

I thin it was fabulous and the ending was the best, leaving a lot for ur mind to wonder about

i was wondering where chapter two is...that cant be the end.

Very well written. Poor ending however. If it were to continue, perhaps this could be rectified?

Reads like a ghostly fairy tale, but was a littel weak for my liking, headless men at night has been done to dead (pun not intended)

Loved it! A truly scary bedtime story.

Interesting story and good tension- but the ending was a bit of a cliche.

I liked it up to the end...I felt the need for more!

I liked this one the way you introduced the headless man was brill i like to read scary stories before bed this will defo be one i read before sleepy town

A good story, well written, but the end was a bit flat. Being a father myself it was good that mother and child arrived home safe, but as a horror writer/reader, wouldnt it have been more heart-thumpingly scary to have them turn around and encounter their headless persuer, illuminated by the lantern? Surely?

The story starts off by being overpowered by too many charachters. The seconf part just starts to become intriguing and then it goes on to becom rather cliche. The way Ellen blurted out about the headless man was rather unconvincing, but the ending left you ready for more so i hope that there will be a follow-up!

I thought the story was beautiful..how Gods love and protection delivered them to safety from the odd sounds.

I’ll say this again. Heres a tip on comments: 1. Give your name at least. 2. Check your spelling. 3. Make your comments constructive. 4. If you lack imagination, you probably shouldnt be reading horror stories. Most of you people write like you have the education of an eight-year-old. As for this story, I loved it! When you realize that Fannie and Ellen had to trek home through the woods in the dark, you already start getting apprehensive about their fates. I liked the part of the ending where Ellen admits she had been hearing the boots. The only thing I didn’t like about the whole story was the last sentence. Ellen delivers this line too off-handedly. Here is how I would re-word the last sentence keeping it in context with the last paragraph: [QOUTE] "Lige, I heard the steps. I didnt want to frighten the child. I kept singing and swinging the lantern around and telling her there was nothing to be afraid of. But Lige, just before we got off the tracks, I turned the lantern around one last time. Thats when I saw what was following us. I saw the figure of a man. [ENDQUOTE] And Lige, you’ll probably say I was seeing things or it was a trick of the light, but I swear on the Bible I saw what I saw – that man, he didn’t have no head!” Great job Crystal! Write another one. David Garrett, 33, Denver, Colorado

For David, in Denver, in Colorado; you wrote: "I’ll say this again. Heres a tip on comments: 1. Give your name at least. 2. Check your spelling. 3. Make your comments constructive. 4. If you lack imagination, you probably shouldnt be reading horror stories. Most of you people write like you have the education of an eight-year-old." And that last comment is constructive, is it? You wanna practice what you preach and check your spelling of QUOTE next time youre on. Well writen story, good build-up of suspence, flat ending... {this coming from a published author of fiction.} Cheers, James.

As everyone else said, Id stress a revised opening to tighten pacing--too much set up, nothing happens until page three. But the description of sounds over sights was good. The best part was that the reader had to use his imagination to fill in what was lurking in the blackness behind them. But the revelation that it was a headless man was a bit cheesy.

I like the story and it was very interesting. The ending was a little lame though, and she could have expanded the ending a little and she could have gave more character descriptions.

very well written story. kept me in suspense till the end.good job!

This story seemed very amateurish to me. Ill admit I skimmed it - I got bored by the first few lines.

Unfortunately, the ending was too simple and abrupt. There was no indication earlier in the story as to what was in the woods or even that the woods were a threat. Throw in a legend of the headless man who turns out to be Uncle Jack . . .

An interesting story. The author has got a very creative style of using her descriptions to create an atmosphere and the feeling that something is going to happen, much like the background score of a suspense or horror film. But it went a bit too fast. The author could have done a bit more.

The writing and suspenseful tone are good, but the story needs to be tighter. There are many details that are never developed, especially in the opening scene, and the story overall lacks unity. The ending needs help--I would happily keep reading to find out more anout this headless man. As it stands it lacks impact, but with a stronger focus it could be very good.

Good descriptive writing. However, the ending was unsatisfying.

Well, Mr. James the published author of fiction, I must say touche! Let me see if I can get "quote" right this time. [QUOTE]Well writen story, good build-up of suspence, flat ending... {this coming from a published author of fiction.} Cheers, James.[END QUOTE]. I would think a published author would know how to spell "written" and "suspense". I may be wrong, though. David

I really think this story was great! I would read it again! *****

The first paragraph was a bit confusing. The setting wasnt very developed and kind of just threw the reader in the middle of the scene with out much description. I liked the suspense while on the tracks. The way the mother keeps reassuring her daughter and she still hears the footsteps builds on the suspense. I liked the foreshadowing when the mother starts singing hymns even though she says there is nothing there.

I thought this story was great, except for a few parts. I agree that the beginning got confusing. I got confused on who was who. There need to be more description on which they were so it would not have been as confusing. On page two, I liked how you described the trail home of how the owl was hooting, how dark it was getting, describing about the railroad tracks and the surroundings. You got me thinking about what was walking behind them. It made me want to read on and wonder what the little girl was hearing. I think the ending could have been better. I hope you make another one after this to show the reaction to the womens husband.

This was a great story, but there were a few things that needed changing. First, there were too many characters in the beginning of the story, and they had no significance to the story. And the end of the story ended too quickly; there was really nothing to it. The actual story itself was a great story and was very suspenseful. I liked it!

Hobnail I agree that the story was a little bit confusing at the beginning. There were way to many peoples names to remember. I am one of those people that like simple stories that you can just read easily and be satisfied. The ending was horrible and I wish that it could have ended differently. The story had you going pretty good, but when you got to the end, it dropped you like a rock. I should have had a better ending then it had.

The ending was indeed abrupt..I also wish the story was a little scarier. I couldnt really figure out the point of the story.

A problem a lot of writers have--Crystal included--is camera angle--POV. That is, how deep has the author penetrated the character. In a story set in the dead of night, with all the requisite darkness needed, its incredibly important to worry about the camera angle. The writer here has separated herself from the character--main character. We dont get a sense of foreboding through her, only that provided by the author--and that rarely works. Word choice is important when youre attempting to get close to the character, and the word choice here is highly suspect. Too many characters? Maybe. Too cliched an ending (ala Twilight Zone?) Probably. There is promise here, but my suggestion as a professional writer would be to write, write, write. Read, read, read.

I thought it was a great story, thumb up!

I enjoyed the build up of tension in the story. I think more could have been made during the walk home section. To focus more on the mother as she knew what the child was going through. The ending left me a little dissapointed purely because I wanted to know more of the man following them. All in all a good story.

this was a intrasting storie didnt make alot of sense, too many names ,and sounds.The ending is good but needs to be a more scary. (and this is coming from a guy who is esaly scared).

I read this story with my 11 year old son he said he thought it was quit good and a little scary.We thought the discriptions were very detailed and the suspense built nicly.Thanks for a good tail.

Very good read. I aggree on having less characters at the begining,since it gets a little confusing. I love the ending eventhough is short.

This was an alright story. Since I am studying horror stories in school, i knew that something frightening would happen, yet the ending still suprised me. I thought that Fannie was just imagining the footsteps in her head. It was an interesting read.

I enjoyed this story, however it lacks the scaryness that I long for, and there are too many characters