Till Death Do Us Part

This was a chilling and somewhat disturbing account of the emotional state of a man in the throes of dispair. Technically, the story was very good and employed many rhetorical techniques which added to the sense of wonder and amazement at this man. However, to me it could have done with more development of character. I know this was a particularly short story, but I think the adding of length and some detail would have made the ending even more stunning and real when it did come.

I have not read it.

great story

I would have to say that this story is really really good. I just happened upon it and it was touching because its something Ive been through and thought about just never had the guts to take the final "plunge" (no pun intended)

Would someone on the verge of suicide really describe "my well-muscled" chest? Sorry, but the spelling mistakes really grated on me, too.

A beautiful tragedy, truely well written with fresh smilies and symbolism. One of the better of its genre.

needs more detail, especially back story and more on the character. Seemed to over written at places and some descriptions not needed.

Writers are told to write about things they know. Mr. Kramer must know this pain to be so deeply descriptive right down to the soul. An excellent extreme story with many original and very disturbing qualities.

Great story. I enjoyed the lack of detail in an artistic manner, it leaves an impression of someone who doesnt care enough to notice "small talk". If I were a publisher, however, I would not get past the first sentence before filing it in the trash bin. It seems somewhat like a first draft to me, too many references to your chest and gut. Also, I dont really get why there is a sword and a straight-razor, but it could add a nice zing to the story.

I felt that it was rather poorly written with too much of the narrator stopping to almost tell about why he was mutilating himself. In an attempt to sound deep and meaningful the author just said she when he was talking about the women that that man was with and it really through off the whole story because of how phony it was.

aw man that is just mad and insane. the writing had me cringing til the end. i want more.

I understand the point of the sward. He is fighting and enemy that is not there. HE is fighting his womans illness. I know what this writer means because I am the woman with the lover that hurts. Not cuase I am dieing but we went through a seperation and that is how he responded. Cutting is not to hurt but to let the hurt out. To bad the cutters never think of who they are hurting when they cut.

This story seemed very pretencious and over-the-top. Not only is it cliche (I told you i couldnt live without you, please) but its just not believeable or sincere, (before i climb into the 72 vette blah blah blah). This story sounds like pulp rhetoric crafted towards bored housewives.

For all its graphic detail, I dont think the story really penetrates the feeling of true grief and despair. Its a rather bombastically superficial exercise in gratuitousness. Were never really let in past the actions of the narrator--never let into his mind in any significant way.

Why did someone write a comment to say I have not read it? Now THATS weird. This one I really hate. If youve known grief youll know this isnt it. Also, one minute he screams out in pain then he tells us there is no pain? And so it goes on and just gets worse.

Hey boo. I love your story

This really doesnt seem to capture grief at all and really is a bit cliched. Too much exposition and not enough depth in my opinion.

I liked certain aspects but... I dont know it just seemed disjointed and I didnt really care, lost interest.

When i started to read it i thought it was a bit boring but by the end it was so tradgic and sorrowful. I think the characters could have been developed more though.

truly a great story. I believe such elements such as the description of character are not as needed as others approach. The story deals with the authors view upon suicide. During quick irrational decisions like such it is not as neccessary to describe the basic elements but to get the authors message across using quick, and touching description. "a well muscled chest"=weakness SjP

That was an amazing story. I could pricture all your words. At the end I even started to cry.

Did nothing for me. Tired and easy writing, a half-dozen syntactical or spelling errors, and, frankly, whats the point? A man loses his wife, he wants to commit suicide. Super original. Really. Overly bloody, repetitive, and dull.

I dont understand how this rates a 5. You know what makes me feel like screaming? The spelling -- yes, it does make a difference. Its "losing" not "loosing," and "straight" not "strait." Aside from that, the whole narcissistic self-pity thing really grates.

Yikes. This isnt good. Is this really a line?: "Blood or no blood it was just dust on the wind." Its as if that line were stolen simultaneously from "Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure" and any of the Deathwish movies. The story gets an A for effort, since the character is clearly trying to communicate a difficult set of feelings, but I would caution this author to develop his ear a bit and to avoid cliches, and thats for a start. How is this a "featured" story? Does this site have no editors?

I am only 14 years of age but i chose this story and done a project on it. as soon as i read it i knew this was the one to do it on. It is a chliling story that realy gets to the reader

though the plot and idea seems gripping the whole story appears to be thrown together and lack details/ transition. ~Y.

disturbing tale, further investigation into the main character may prove fruitful

This story can be best described as David Eddings meets misunderstood teenage goth with self-mutilation fantasies, inspired by watching Thelma and Louise whilst listening to Sisters of Mercy albums backwards. "The only thing I had with me then was my old throwing knife" ? Where did the guy get a throwing knife from? Did he invent a time machine? Sorry, but this is poor.

why did he arrive the third time, did his wife die?

Very interesting, I was intreged from the beginning to the end. Very powerful ending left me wondering the symbolism for quite some time. Im currently writing a Literary Analysis on it. More background is my only critique. Great story.

Too many suddenlys and similar wordings. Irritating personification of the car, worked to hard trying to create an image which had no texture, depth or intrigue. The main aim here is to make one care for the character, that I did not.

strait for straight??

The key character in this story seems convinced that masochistic torture will relieve him of his inability’s to move on after his tragic loss which has left him perpetually traumatised. When mere tears do not suffice he cuts himself with a knife to release his tension but that is still not enough so he kills himself, yet the problem remains unsolved. They are still departed. A well told story with plenty of self-pity to boot. Keep up the good work.

the thing about the 72 Vette mumbo jumbo really gets on my nerves but other than that i think this story deserved the rating it got, its really hard for a writer to express what they are feeling especislly on this subject:-)

I can feel the anguish of this character. I can see the hurt and I get a great picture in my mind of his actions and the end result. I have no problems with any of your me cliché’s. I thoroughly felt the deep hurt and pain of the characters loss. A truly admirable story. Very well written. My compliments.
And to whomever said this:
“[For all its graphic detail, I dont think the story really penetrates the feeling of true grief and despair.]” ß What then would you call it? – Excitable enjoyment? Sheeesh

^Rob

ive seen 16 year old emo kids write better stories than this in about a 20 minute timespan

pointless and trite

it was a good story but it was to complicated for my liking

This story was really good, the detail was very evocative and I began to understand what the protagonist was going through.

this story is really good soon as i read the first line i wanted to carry on the charecters are great and the story is very intresting
kara
X-X

i think this story is absolutely fantastic.The describtion was fantastic and the story line was proufond and dramatic

it is gory and good and extuity

i thout it was quite good and it was realy detailed and i injoud it aprlx

It was quaoity and mint detail

This story was very good. I thought it had ver descriptive words in it. It was exiting and made a very good story

really good story it makes you feel like you are in it

this is a very good story and i found it very interesting.

it was quite confusing but it was very realistic. was the charcter an emo? i dont know but it was more for teenagers or maybe just adults hmmmm

I think this story is good one reason is because the detail is extremley good and the writing is aslo not that hard to read.This book would probally be suitable for someone of the ages from 12+,its a very detailed book,and describes what actually happens in a good way.

it was weird is he a emo or something cus he keeps cutin himself.emo emo emo. emos scare me. quite a good story though very realistic

u would get bored after the first word.