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The Empire Of The Parakeets

The nickname 'parakeets' is often given to those quite harmless, short-lived, tiny green orthoptera that, on summer nights, keep flying round and round lights. Their movements do not appear to be governed by intelligent thought. Lacking the fly's sharp sight and rapid reactions, the nuisance is easily eliminated by crushing them between the thumb and index finger. In contrast to the mosquito, they are incapable of biting. Nevertheless, they are sheer torment for anyone trying to read or eat. They throw themselves blindly against your face or eyes; they drown in your soup; they smudge your writing. By the time you manage to brush aside the five or six parakeets walking on your fork, another ten or twelve are already in your ears or up your nose.

Why should these tiny green orthoptera, the parakeets, be so stupid, so feeble-minded? Their behaviour is perhaps the least sensible of any living thing - those who believe that this behaviour is common to all insects are wrong. For instance, a man can establish, with a cockroach, a kind of relationship, if not friendly then logical at least: the man will attempt to kill the cockroach, which will try to run away and hide. This is simply not possible with the parakeets: no one knows what they are doing or why they are doing it.

"But," asks Dr. Ludwig Boitus himself in one of his latest papers, "is the parakeets' behaviour really so mad? Let us start from the premise that all living beings orientate their actions towards the preservation of their species. Why should the parakeets' behaviour be an exception to such sound, well-proven law? [...] The modern researcher," he adds, "must not limit himself to simple statements to the effect that the parakeets' actions are gratuitous and senseless; he should make an effort to determine the true logic behind the apparently absurd, illogical behaviour of the parakeets. This behaviour is merely an outward expression of an inner motivation and it is time we found out what that might be."*

Dr. Boitus mentions two facts that have generally been ignored: firstly, in recent times it has been observed that the parakeets fly less around lights than around people's heads and secondly, their numbers are increasing. He points out that although the parakeets seem to lack even a minimal offensive or defensive weapon, five hundred or a thousand of them, by continuously harassing a man -- entering his ears and eyes, walking on his neck, stopping him from thinking, reading, writing or sleeping -- can force him -- in fact, do force him -- into a state of complete mental derangement. In this state, it is the man not the parakeet who does not know what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is a state in which the man does not even know who he is and when he enters it, when he loses consciousness of his own self, he inevitably becomes resigned to being surrounded and dominated by the parakeets. Furthermore, from that moment on he can no longer live without the parakeets, without feeling them inside his ears, his eyes, his mouth. What has occurred is a phenomenon that "in the field of drug addiction is known as dependency. And this," Boitus adds, "is the true purpose of the parakeets, the underlying logic behind their apparently absurd and illogical behavior."

The parakeets are inexorably expanding their empire. To date, they have taken over every civilized country -- the more advanced a nation's technology, the stronger their hold. Wherever there is electric light, the parakeets reign supreme.

←2

On this point, a world atlas accompanying the article shows how few countries are still free of the Empire of the Parakeets. However, we believe that the inclusion of this map is a fallacy: this is not a political empire. Parakeets rule only over minds. When these have been 'parakeetised' -- to use the neologism coined by Boitus -- they go on to parakeetise the bodies, which consequently begin to perform essentially parakeetic actions. As Dr. Boitus concludes: "At this point, only primitive communities and the poorest countries remain almost free of parakeets, countries untouched by the development of mass media."

 

* BOITUS, Ludwig: "Funcion de la cónducta de los insectos en la preservación de la especie", en Anales del Mundo Contemporáneo, XXXIV, 158, La Plata, Universidad de La Plata, enero-febrero, 1973.

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Comments

Submitted by admin on Thu, 03/13/2003 - 08:15

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sugoii ~Nco

Submitted by admin on Fri, 07/09/2004 - 01:33

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Good job with the realism and all, even citing the text. Needs work: Funnyness. While the idea of "five hundred or a thousand" flies driving a man into "complete mental derangement" is amusing, well... it isnt much more than that.

Submitted by admin on Wed, 11/03/2004 - 11:33

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I think this story is worthy for us to read. In the beginning, I don’t know what’s it. From the article, it describes the “Parakeets” attract my attention. So this story is very interesting.

Submitted by admin on Sat, 06/25/2005 - 11:45

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if anyones read A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift, they can appreciate the medium of a work like this. I felt like it left me hanging as far as a direct connection, but is very clever and funny. Muy Bién.

Submitted by admin on Thu, 09/08/2005 - 07:11

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In this story Sorrentino is using the parakeets as a symbol representing mass media and how it bombards people with senless programs, articles, advertisements, etc. THis in turn makes people act senseless and become addicted to TV and the internet.

Submitted by admin on Mon, 09/19/2005 - 12:18

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I immensely enjoyed how you portrayed the parakeet’s behavior. The descriptions invoked great mental images that were nicely balanced by scientific aspects. I didn’t see much of a plot if any, but I think this story works great as is.

Submitted by admin on Sun, 10/15/2006 - 03:42

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To all you people who think that Sorrentino is not a brilliant writer: There is a link at the top of the main page that says "Childrens". Maybe you will find the stories in that catalogue more satisfying and comfortingly cut-and-paste.
Kat

Submitted by admin on Sun, 02/18/2007 - 03:35

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personally i dont think this is about parakeets at all. I think he is using parakeets as a replacement for something that is corrupting or disturbing developed countries like maybe pollution or something. After reasing most of his stories, youll tend to realise that he often has a few layers to the story.

Submitted by admin on Mon, 08/06/2007 - 05:12

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I am deeply grateful for the tremendous impact of my late husbands research. It is an obligation for me to carry on with his work. Latest trends in behavioural science have suggested the idea that the paraseets growth occurs at an exponential rate, thus arousing the question of how to cope with them in the following years on an international basis. Ludwig would have appreciated a more international feedback.
Pilar Maria Boitus, Universidad de la Plata

Submitted by admin on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 18:18

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This story, was okay... it waz a little awkward. Im doing a report on it and really feel Im gonna do good. It didnt really have a lot with the characters and such... but thats okay. Thank you for supplying me with this story. I HOPE I GET AN "A"!!! If I do... I thank you again!

Submitted by admin on Fri, 12/07/2007 - 07:41

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Dr. Pilar María Boitus
University of La Plata
Argentina

Dear Pilarica,

How time flies! Anyway, I still remember myself sitting in the front pew watching at you leaving the church arm in arm with Ludwig Boitus, just married. That must have been rounding 1970. Am I right?

I can’t deny it: I was jealous, terribly jealous of the famous scientist’s fortune. You knew damn well that I was mad in love with you, but Boitus was your election. What can I say? What can I do? He was clearly the winner.

Although a strange character, Ludwig Boitus was a great man. This is why I’m sorry to learn through East of the Web that he has passed away. I would love to visit his tomb together with you for the sake of sharing a prayer for whom in life was such a wonderful man. Then, please, do tell me in what way can I get in touch with you in order to arrange a visit to the cemetery.

With love,

Fernando Sorrentino,
Buenos Aires, December 2007

[email protected]

Submitted by admin on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 05:28

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i just dont see the point of this boring work....as pointless as the parakeets he describes,but i would imagine reading it more than once would drive one completely insane,perhaps that is the point?

Submitted by admin on Thu, 04/09/2009 - 21:41

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I liked it. Not every story has to have a plot, a rise in
action, etc, etc. This is a warning post. Or a criticism
of something that already exists. Only so called
primitive cultures are unaffected! I get this story and
appreciate it. Thanks.

Submitted by admin on Sat, 04/11/2009 - 03:59

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it was a thought provoking work...i especially liked how effectively the writer presented the irksome yet overpowering effect of media today which corrupts our lives an yet we seem so helpless in countering it...im amazed to see people actually try to read the metaphor of the parakeets literally

Submitted by admin on Sun, 03/16/2014 - 10:57

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Where truth once was a tree with numerous fruits, it has in our day and age degenerated to the mindless parroting of media induced fabrications leading ultimately to war, famine, exploitation and finally total destruction of every tree.

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