Old Nothing

You have an honest and acute ear for dialogue in this story--that is a good trait to have. Just one small thing: if you are trying to indicate a pause or silence--ie. "no one said anything," it is sometimes more natural and effective to take the time for description...then you can proceed with the dialogue again and the pause in the dialogue is "felt" instead of merely instructed. Just a thought to consider.

The dialogue was so amazingly real in this story, I felt that I could have been in that barber shop watching the "beater and the beatee", but the best part is the ending, which demonstrates a great understanding of humankind and the absolute stupidity of violence.

good stuff

I think this author has great insight into the feelings of others and their plights.

work is truly amazing

Good story - simple but effective. For the record, I disagree with the comment that suggests descriptions during pauses. Good advice if youre giving an elementry writing class but here the silences are not meant to be subtly felt - they are gaping holes in the conversation and the authors chosen method of portraying this works very nicely.

very well done. you get what so many dont. less is more.

what is the stories plot

good, nice and cool kisssees

This is great.

What exactly are beaters and beatees???? The story was good and a piece great work

I enjoyed the story. Well set by means of a provoking Point. One consideration though – Add a little more color. The portrait painted seems a tad indistinct. (Ex.) Possibly, personalize this story by furnishing character names; helps the general population in developing the narrative just a bit further.

nothing grabbing

I got bored a third of the way through. Sorry- didnt grab me.

This is a riveting piece which so eloquently exhibits the complete deterioration of any sort of community in this postmodern nightmare that mankind has created, and now, must endure. -Brandon Moritz

I liked the way this was mostly in diologue so you dont have to sift through all the boring stuff. Good.

Fantastic, very rich.

Humorous and disturbing. (And disturbing that I found it humorous...!) Outstanding dialogue, too. I loved it. Romy. :-))

Can someone explain what this story is about? Especially the ending. i reall liked it but i just want to understand the overall message and meaing of it. Thanks in advance!

The dialogue is excellent and the theme is illustrated beautifully. My only complaint is that the description is a bit weak. Not that there needs to be more of it, but that which already exists is somewhat repetitive. But otherwise excellent.

What a completely random story...but I dont mean it badly. Its just completely different from the usual stuff Ive read before - I really like it!

The most depressing thing in the world is discovering brilliance amidst a heap of awkward rubbish. Cameron Porsandeh’s “Old Nothing” (a short story centered on three men in a barbershop) is a prime example. Dialogue is the driving force that sets the scene and describes the events, and it is clear that without clever dialogue, Porsandeh’s writing falls apart. Even the lines that compliment the dialogue are crude and ill formed. They seem to be trying too hard to fill in all the details at once without using any large or interesting words. The men watch from their normal positions as a younger man across the street receives a savage beating from a group of “beaters.” The old men are almost sadistic in their cynical lack of interest for the man’s well being. Although it is never brought up that they themselves could not interfere with the beating, they choose to philosophize about it instead of calling the police. The most interesting and well-written portion comes just before the page break, where the majority of the philosophizing occurs. The men’s banter is clever and highly intelligent, and seems almost out of place within the confines of the surrounding narrative.

Yes, but WHAT IS THIS ABOUT? Themes, symbolism, etc...

Good! :-) Mamac

That is an awesome story !!!!!!

That book was the best ever it could have been shorter

Interesting, but the fact that they didnt help him made me want to scream.

what its all about??????????

This story has a great deal of potential. The themes it suggests, of banality, violence, indifference, "post-modernity" etc, are all worth exploring. I wish, though, that the quick dialogue could have been spaced out a bit more so that I could digest these complex themes as I read. I also would have preferred that the three characters be a little more pronounced, either through their voice or by using nicknames (barber, baldie and windowman or something like this). There were a few times that it took me a second to figure out who was speaking, which interrupted the dialogue too much. Altogether, very well done.

i really like it but i didnt understand easly.

Honestly, I dont get it! The conversation was great, very real. But there was no plot and/or character development. It feels like the author did not finish the story.

I guess I dont understand what is going on.

What made this to be a good read was its originality and must say, I disagree with those stating otherwise.

I could understand what this story is about, only after reading it twice.
Because thre is so much dialog, you cant clearly imagine the whole situation. But this is a nice story. ^^

I Didnt Really Understand What Was Going on....?

A good read, but I dont understand what it was about... a murder? the bit which says:
" "Do you suppose he has family?" asked the man by the window.
"No. Hes far too young to have a family," answered the barber.
"I dont mean children, I mean any sort of family at all."
"I wouldnt know," answered the barber. "

refers to a murder

Im starting to feel parniod becuase of this story... stop wacthing me!

this story is not grabbing it didnt grab my attention it could be better i dont think they have tried hard enough but u could do beter if you think more and set your mind to it not a great peice of work
kara x-x

this story was very good

The story was ok but it could have been more exiting. The storyline was a bit boring.

i thout the story was good an i injude reading it. i found it quite intreasing but it was a good story over all aprilx

I could not understand the story

This stroy has two main characters in it.This short story would be suitable around the ages of 10-12 years because the writing is easy to read,and its not that detailed.So it will not be that difficult.

i dont think anybody wants to read about hair cuts

Ugh...this story seemed to have no real plot. I mean I could understand it, but who was your audience? What were you trying to say with this piece? AND WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD OF BEEN BEATEN AND THEN BE POLITE ENOUGH TO POINT OUT A DINER??? Thats not very realistic on your part. The dialogue was all screwed up because you didnt make it definite who was talking, except to say the same thing over and over. On top of that you kept changing what the guy was having done, getting his hair cut, getting the sides thinned, getting a shave...then you say he has little hair. What kind of person gets all this done with little amounts of hair? Seriously now...and the beaters I doubt would be polite to some random person either.

Overall I didnt like the story, I mean it has the potential to grow into something but only with a LOT of work. I dont mean to offend you or anything but I dont see what others see in it at all. Im sorry.

Rich and thought provoking.

Clever social commentary. Violence for the sake of violence, indifference to suffering... post-modern surrealism as portrayed by the absurdity of the final exchanges between beater/beatee and man from the barbers.

Pay no attention to the people who say this story was boring or had no point. I think I see what you were going for. Its a surrealistic piece. Its a social commentary. Its not meant to be taken seriously, of course those things wouldnt happen in real life but its not real, its surreal.

this story is a strange one. it is very simple on the surface but there is a lot of meaning that cant be seen by just reading it. its a story that you have to think about to understand and appreciate it. over all i kinda liked it.

WOW! That was a killer story! The ending really knocked me off my feet! They all talk about it in past tense, and then WHAM! Talk about messed-up. I really did not even see it coming. Great job!

Well written, but I dont think theres enough of a point.