Contemporary story
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Phase in Space

Phase was lost. There was no question about it. At first, the jungle had seemed a nice enough place - full of interesting birds and animals, and lots of smokeable looking plants growing all around.

Now, four days later, the plants had all been too damp to light, the birds kept him awake at night and Phase had yet to encounter an animal which did not try to attack him. Scratch that. He had yet to encounter an animal which did not succeed in attacking him.

Now he was lost in an uninhabited, alien jungle on a far away planet in a completely parallel universe and those drums were driving him insane.

The impossibility of drumming in an unihabited jungle hit him about the same time as the spear-butt from out of the bushes to his left.

He awoke to find himself sat in a clearing surrounded by about four dozen young women wearing the sort of fur bikini that would have made Raquel Welch give up and go home.

He very carefully didn't pinch himself in case he was dreaming.

"Hello," he said, still quite dazed from the attack.

Several of the younger ones (aged around 18) took flight across the clearing towards the mud huts that surrounded it. "My God!" he thought "They look almost as good from that angle as they do from this"

The eldest woman there (23ish) looked him up and down.

"You are male?" She asked.

"You can't tell?" he replied, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice.

"All our men were killed several years ago in a bizarre accident involving a herd of Tortoise. Don't ask. We have spent the last few years searching the jungle for more men to help with the whole 'having children' thing."

Phase quietly resolved never to pinch himself again for as long as this lasted, just in case.

"So, when do I start?"

←2

"Right away, if you like," said the tall brunette to his left.

Phase rubbed his hands with glee.

"The children are over here." Said a redhead.

Phase was confused. "Children?"

"Yes," informed a blonde, "We have more than enough men for the first bit. This jungle was full of tribes whose males were only too willing to volunteer. But we're much too busy having sex to raise the children ourselves, so any other men are assigned the task of looking after them."

The first girl took his arm. "Don't worry, the rest of your life will just fly by if you concentrate on changing nappies and not trying to escape in any way." She looked puzzled. "Why are you pinching yourself like that?"

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Average: 5 (1 vote)

Comments

Submitted by admin on Tue, 07/29/2003 - 15:04

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I think the story is ok but I think there are two errors. I would like to hear if others agree or not. 1) The story begins by describing a jungle inhabited by birds and animals. Then it says the jungle is uninhabited. This implies that the word inhabited refers to only humans. I dont believe this is correct. The definitions of inhabited that I have seen make no reference to humans. 2) I think the sentence "He awoke to find himself sat in a clearing.." is improper grammer. Shouldnt it be - "He awoke to find himself sitting in a clearing.." ?

Submitted by admin on Sat, 08/02/2003 - 14:04

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If this was a joke somebody told me in the pub Id think it was funny. But as a short story it doesnt really work. Plus its Skiffy - theres no need for it to be set in space at all - simply putting it in the amazon or somewhere wouldve made far more sense and kept it more succinct. Unpopulated would perhaps have been a better word to use, as well.

Submitted by admin on Sat, 09/06/2003 - 12:47

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I havent seen anyone give an opinion yet about which sentence is correct. "He awoke to find himself sat in a clearing." or "He awoke to find himself sitting in a clearing." The use of the word "uninhabited" is clearly incorrect. He should have used deserted or specified that it was uninhabited by people.

Submitted by admin on Wed, 09/10/2003 - 18:59

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Well, as the author (yes, its me) let me say: "Sitting" gives the impression of calm, deliberate, together-ness. Phase would have none of these, as he had just woken up to find himelf on his arse in the middle of a clearing. And "uninhabited" can mean just "No People"

Submitted by admin on Thu, 10/16/2003 - 17:49

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Mildly amusing, thankfully short. I agree that its more like a long joke. I like the subject - yes even as a female I can appreciate male urges, Ive been married long enough! - but not sure if the style was to my taste, and Im afraid to compare it to Hitch-Hikers is somewhat of a travesty in my opinion. Im aware Im coming across as quite negative here and really dont want to. Perhaps safer just to say its not my style! Jo, Oxfordshire, England.

Submitted by admin on Mon, 10/20/2003 - 16:51

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To the people that keep saying they "dont get it", youve got to pay attention when the author mentions (twice in fact) that the character does not pinch himself for fear of waking up. Now read the last line and it should fall into place for you.

Submitted by admin on Tue, 12/16/2003 - 22:58

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I felt aftet reading this story, It was kinda weird at first, but then he was captured by a bunch of women, so like many men he became excited because he felt he was going to used in breeding. Instead he would be in charge of watching the children. After hearing this he no longer wanted to stay. D.C.

Submitted by admin on Tue, 12/16/2003 - 22:58

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I thought this story was funny and very interesting. The whole turn of events at the end was messed up, but it still made laugh. I did not expect what happend to happen. It completely cought me off guard.

Submitted by admin on Tue, 12/16/2003 - 22:59

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This story was funny becuase it shows how males react to a group of females in fur bikinis and what they are thinking about most of the time. It also shows that women arent as dumb as men think they are.

Submitted by admin on Tue, 12/16/2003 - 23:00

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At first, I thought that this was going to be another boring short story, but halfway through the story, it became interesting and funny. I thought that the man would pick up the role of breeding with ALL the females, as many men woiuld think, but instead, the women were telling the man to take care of the children. This was a very, very funny, short story. YVS

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