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They're Made out of Meat

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat." photomaxmix

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

←2→

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

←3

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."

the end

 

This story originally appeared in Omni April 1991 and was nominated for the Nebula Award. It is taken from the collection 'Bears Discover Fire', available here. You can find out more about Terry Bisson on his website.

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Average: 4.5 (2 votes)

Comments

Submitted by admin on Wed, 10/06/2004 - 20:38

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This story was pretty good but very pointless, I didnt really know what they were aiming for. Maybe it was trying to show that many things are hidden or untold to the public. Weel, it makes you think anyways which is always good.:)

Submitted by admin on Thu, 10/07/2004 - 20:33

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wow! People should add some comments about this story. It was sooooo intriguing and I loved it a whole bunch. It was very funny, and I enjoyed it a lot. The meat thing sort of got confusing in the begining, but the ending explains everything. Sorta of unoriginal though Sounds like some stuff I heard before. Overall, like 7.5/10

Submitted by admin on Wed, 11/03/2004 - 10:42

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mm...This story is ridiculous. Meat made the machines. I dont believe it after read the story. According to the article that the machine are made out of meat. And they use the radio waves to talk, probed them all the way through.

Submitted by admin on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 18:35

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I thought this was hilarious. Again, the beginning gaave the impression that this story was a bit odd but at the end I fully understood it all. Seems like a shame that all of that research would go to waste because they think of us as "meat". Clever ideas, 8/10

Submitted by admin on Tue, 11/16/2004 - 14:02

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sorry. the thought, though hardly unique, might deserve some explanation in the draft form but has no business being published (and consuming some of the finite space I have available in my "meat" head ...) futhermore, the irony was not "delightful," it was heavy handed. I like to encourage people in their writing -- its a hard proccess-- in this case: demand more before you put this out in the universe.

Submitted by admin on Wed, 12/22/2004 - 08:14

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Actually, I read this story in an athology New Skies yesterday. I find it endlessly ironic that I have found it again without really looking, in a place I wasnt really expecting it. But both reads have ha dthe same effect on me. This is a creepy story, but it is damn good!

Submitted by admin on Sat, 01/01/2005 - 22:49

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I think it is a great discussion opener. For example, you could ask "So what happens next?", or "Imagine if this is your dream. You wake up, and you dont know if you were truly abducted, or if its just a dream. Should you tell anyone?"...

Submitted by admin on Wed, 01/05/2005 - 09:43

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TO THE AUTHOR Reminiscent of Douglas Adams..and..oh, any relation to Kilgore Trout I wonder? I very much enjoyed it. COMMENT ON COMMENTS For those who did not get the story: The premise here is more than meets the eye. These kinds of stories are more commentary on the human condition and less, "See Dick run." This piece left a nice aftertaste of humorous subtlety. Subtletys the thing.

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