The Allotment

I thoroughly enjoyed your writing style and your descriptions of the plantings the couple made. Very nicely done and easily readable, but entertaining enough to keep my attention.
My critique of the story as a whole is (1) more development of the old man would have been good to have, some additional insight into his personality and his connection to the roses, and (2) the ending could have been stronger. It just sort of tailed off and left me wanting so much more.
I truly enjoyed the prose. Would just like to see it all come together a little tighter.

Came to this via your FB posting on Thresholds. I liked the beginning of the story enough to print it off and read the whole thing. On the whole I liked the narrative and thought it read quite like a fairy tale.
Nevertheless, I think Id like to see it with more character development and dialogue so that it reads less like a non-fiction account in parts.
Look forward to seeing more of your writing.
Moira G.

wow, that was extremely beautiful, very
well written.

This is the first story Ive read on this website and
I loved it. I loved the mystery of the old man and
how hard he worked to make the roses grow
before he died, as if he was trying to leave his
legacy, like the couple, who seem as a loss, too,
of what their own legacy might be. It was
beautifully written. Sincerely, a fellow writer :)

Excellent imagery. Your work makes me proud to be a fellow contributor to East of the Web.
Rita Hooks

The books is cool,,,,

It is really nice written wish contenou such kind written, so it could be useful for manage the daily life and improvement!!!

excellent imagery

I am using this story in my English GCSE
class as a great example of correct
paragraphing and imagery. Brilliant
story!

Grateful!

The ending made me shiver.

this story follows the plot and makes it
interesting to make lots of plants grow
because it made the couple better at
planting seeds and they made a new friend
the old man that died at the end

Well written... for a sad reflection of
life. A sad reflection on the self-
absorption of many people. The characters
rang true of the truly selfish. Congrats.

I loved the way you wrote , this is the first story I
read from this website .
Hope you will write more .
Nidhin

I feel like the story is only made for imagery. It
doesnt say anything. It gives no character
development. It has no moral.

What does GCSE mean?

Excellent writing style...the ending is
great..Is this old man in this story..an
inspiration from Ernewst Hemingways OLD
MAN AND SEA is a feel, but the story is
entirely new and well built. I feel, the
character of this old man is well built
and contemplated. He is committed for
his work and expected to see the right
results. Not accepting the comments of
his neighbors is highlight of him...
I LIKE THIS STORY...VERY MUCH...
- BR Raksun

Some nice phrases here and there, but a
lot of jarringly overlong sentences. The
structure, follows a similar pattern,
perhaps covering too long a timeline, and
too many scenes.

A very beautiful and terribly sad
story.Beautifully written.

This is a truly poignant, beautifully written story. The idea that any of these sentences are "overlong" reflects the inability of many readers to keep more than five words strung together in their minds. I think complex sentences add to the ability to visualize and internalize what the writer is saying. Great writing.

Thanks

I enjoyed this story. The indifference of the couple gave rise to their own feelings of mortality after his death. Nicely done.

I like the fleeting nature of the old man: who is he and what is his story, what is his loss? It reminds you that the couple are missing out on relationships: they hardly talk to others after their sons departure left them empty nesters. When planting, the couple consults with research and plans, but less so with other humans that work the allotment. I think they do try (a little bit) to approach the old man, but they seem self absorbed to me. The symbolism with the garden and life/death cycles matches well with the depth/lack of human interactions: as we interact with those around us our lives bloom, but as we cultivate our own harvest we are left with mere glimpses (strong as they may be) of what real relatioships are. The couple missed out.

i loved it !

I really like it. Its not pushy with its themes and it acts in an understated, nuanced way without ever becoming self-indulgent or slow. The imagery was just right and matched the pacing in being melancholic but never meandering. I think this is something quite poignant and probably something I will come back to.

It is a nice story. The mystery around the old man and his attitude towards the outside world appeals to the auditory. I think the old mans character represents the social desolation nowadays. The couple tries to shuffle their own problems and desperate for an escape they threw themselves into their allotment activities and into thoughts about the mysterious old man. The fact is after they saw the old man sobbing in the middel of the allotment they had felt revolt and they recognized that as threatening their current happines so they steped back. The saddest truth is we all will react like this because we dont want sombodyelses problems. We need to be recognized by the society.